In honor of having survived eight weeks of university, an only slightly dramatised recap of these first eight weeks:
Introduction day: even after having only slept 1 ½ hours, there’s no one in my group I hate at first sight and/or sound! This is good!
Day before the start of week 1: I’m starting to think this whole going back to school thing is not a good idea a.k.a. I’m freaking out.
The evening before the start of week 1: That’s it! I’m dropping the f*ck out. No, seriously.
<insert phonecall with someone who tells me to chill the f*ck out>
Day one of week one: I’m there.
Week one: I. AM. SO. OVERWHELMED!
Week two: This is ok, I think I can do this.
Week three: I’m doing fine and… oh crap! I’m sick. Not panicking though.
Week four: Back in full force. Damn, this week is overloaded with, uh, everything.
Week five: I am Le Overwhelmed. I can’t do this. This is too much. Should I drop out? Not feeling too swell. Not sleeping. Oh, wait! This is week 6 breakdown, a week earlier.
Week six: I can’t do this. I feel sick. I am tired. But at least it’s better than going skiing. Feeling better by the end of the week. I might be getting the hang of it.
Week seven: started off well, had a very shitty middle (mostly due to almost chopping off my finger) and a decent end.
Week eight: impressed myself by spectacularly failing both my exams because I freaked for (in hindsight of course) absolutely no reason. Impressed myself even more by NOT dropping the f*ck out.
This might give off the impression that I don’t like my studies, but I really, really do. I just seem to have a hard time getting into the swing of things. Everything feels very fragmented and unhinged to me, reading a paragraph here and a chapter there makes it hard for me to get an overview. It feels a bit like collecting jigsaw puzzle pieces and trying to put them together, while not having the picture on the box to guide you and actually not being sure if the different pieces are even part of the same puzzle.
Add to that some health issues and me putting WAY too much pressure on myself by constantly thinking “I can’t f*ck this up, this is my last chance!” and yeah, no wonder I constantly feel overwhelmed. So that’s going to be my main focus for the next 7 weeks: to chill the f*ck out. Sleep like a normal person. Chill the f*ck out some more. Just sit down and do my assignments instead of freaking out about them for 5 days before actually doing them. Just chill. The f*ck. Out. Wish me luck!