Teachers say the darndest things part 2

by LP

This is one of the blogposts I had planned to write and post during Winter Break, but since it’s still relatively early in the new semester, I’d thought I’d post this anyway. Like before, most of these were greeted with little enthusiasm from the majority of the room.

First up, teacher J. You’ve heard about her before:

While reading out an essay: “’Bridget and the vocaliser’ sounds like a rock group”.

In reply to someone arguing that something was important because it was big. “Nobody is impressed by big anymore. Not really” *snickers like a 14 year old*

While trying to explain how to properly construct and essay: “When you use examples, make sure they lead to something. You don’t want to sound like a Harry Potter novel”.

I decided to include a few JL-quotes, because JL is awesome:

JL: “Text do not exist in a vacuum. They do not float around in space.”
The Redhead Contingent: “Texts… in… spaaace!”
JL: “LOL!”

JL: “I’m getting old.”
Me: “Hey, that’s my line!”
JL: “You can have it too.”

Pointing at a picture of Queen Anne: “They’re almost all called George. This is not George. She’s the exception.”

Then, there’s G. He’s lucky he’s cute, because he’s a bit of a perv. In a completely non-threatening way though:

Pointing at the screen while showing us a clip of the Mel Gibson version of Hamlet, the scene in which Hamlet is rolling on top of his mother. In bed. Yes, this actually happens. “Look at the body language!!!”

G: “So, what are you guys reading for BAC I right now?”
Classmate S: “We’re reading ‘The Rape of the Lock'”
G: “Ooh! That’s ~saucy~!”
S looks at me and we both go “Wait, what? Did we miss something?”

He’s not always pervy though. Sometimes he’s just hilarious:

Classmate F, eating a sandwich: “Mrumprincestrategisingmurm”
G: “Maybe a good rule would be not to eat while discussing theory.”
Classmate F: “That’s the only way for me to stay awake. Nothing personal.”
G: “I’m confident in my entertainment value, I don’t take it personally. But somehow I think there’s other ways to stay awake. Like sleeping the night before. Or Red Bull or something.”

During our last class, he took us to a cafe for coffee and divulged his strong feelings on the Easter Bunny: “What’s up with the eggs? It’s a mamal for Christ’s sake!”

And last, but certainly not least, the man known to some as Tasty T:

While explaining countable and uncountable nouns: “Well, you CAN count Johns”
Me, trying to keep a straight face.
Him, looking at me and snickering.
Me, cracking up: “I was trying not to go there!”
The whole class: dead silence.

To classmate I, who is super sweet: “Is P correct? Be nice, she’s a guest. Are you ok with that, or do you want to shoot her down?”

While reading out a misspelling on a slide: “Celbrating, that’s how we say it in jail.”

“Don’t be corrupted by my Americanisms. I see people smirking – they’re corrupted already.”

“We can’t attach –ly nilly willy. Yes, that pun was intentional.”

To me, when he saw my cat eared hoodie: “Yo! LP! What are the ears for? Are they kitty ears?”
Me: “Yeah, when I grow up I want to be a cat. And a reader. They’re my impossible dream occupations”.
T: “You can make money reading books… I mean, when you write reviews”
Me: “See, that’s the problem, I really want to steer clear of the writing”
T: “Well, then cat it is!”
Me: “I can live with that!”