JL: “According to a scientific article I read this week, there’s a 20% chance we’re all in a video game.”
Me: “Ah, that would explain why this entire semester feels like a game of Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins!”
Last semester I complained about how fragmented the course work felt and how it frustrates me that due to our workload being ridiculous, I hardly ever have time to delve deeper into things. I had great hopes that, with me being a bit more chilled out at the end of the first semester, it would get better.
Unfortunately I fell behind on my course work due to the exhaustion caused by a pretty severe vitamin D deficiency. The study advisor then spoke the dreaded words: “We need to start strategising…”, which is a euphemism for “we need to find out what the absolute minimum is you need to do to still be able to pass your classes this semester”. Although my first instinct was to yell “NEVER! I didn’t go to university to cut corners left and right and get a degree with a minimum amount of effort!”, I knew she was right. I didn’t have the time or the energy to do All The Work Required, let alone do extra work.
So, that’s where I’m at: I do the absolute minimum and up to now am still doing ok grade/attendance wise, so if I keep it up for 7 more weeks and don’t freak the fuck out, there’s a reasonable chance I might pass all my classes. Do I feel like I am actually doing something worthwhile though: no. I feel like I’m playing a computer game where I’m onto my last life and have shoddy health, so all I’m doing is running as fast as I can, hitting the required marks and only grabbing things I absolutely need to finish the level. I don’t feel like I’m getting any smarter or ~honing my academic skills~.
Like I said before, getting a stupid piece of paper wasn’t the only reason for me to go back to university. But right now the prospect of that stupid piece of paper is the only motivation I have left. I am tired all the time, even things that normally interest me are now kinda “meh” and the only reason I’m still going, is because I have no other options. The alternative, dropping out and being both unemployed and unemployable, is worse. I also know that next year the course load will be spread in a way that’s more advantageous to me. On top of that the study advisor, my teachers and my classmates REALLY want me to continue. And so I trudge along. But please be so kind as to not ask me if I’m still having fun. Thank you.