LP’s excellent staycation – Day 24

by LP

This week I’m taking a creative writing course at the cultural student center of the university. Up to now, I’d never really written fictional things, but last summer I somehow got this strange idea that I needed to get out of my comfort zone and enrolled in a creative writing course last September. I unfortunately fell sick and was unable to do the course then, so I’m taking it now.

Yesterday I wrote wonky haikus (we were supposed to do 4, 6 and 4 syllables for reasons unknown), if at the end of the week I still think they’re hilarious I might post them here. What I am posting today is a little story I wrote this morning. We were supposed to sit outside with our eyes closed and write down everything we heard, and then write a fictional story about it, so that’s what I did. Please note: 1) this is fiction, a.k.a. Not Real At All 2) this was written in 23 minutes and 3) this is a one-take, unedited piece of writing. So, with all the disclaimers out of the way, here goes nothing:

“Don’t you love how quiet it is here?” whispers the girl lying next to me. I make a non-commital sound and think she must either live next to a fun fair or have some sort of hearing impediment.

I hate this part the most. The balancing, the stretching, hell, even the cramps in my left calf are preferable to this “Now lie down and relaaax”-pose. How am I supposed to relax with all this drilling, clanging, rattling?

Am I the only one who hears this? I open my eyes for a second to peek around the room. Everybody is lying on their backs, all relaxed. I suspect some of them are on the verge of falling asleep. I close my eyes again and try to block out the construction noises by trying to find a rhythmical pattern. There is none.

Oh great! Now I’ve noticed the traffic noises too. And why are people unable to open and close doors QUIETLY? Don’t they realise this is a yoga studio? I already have enough trouble trying to block David Bowie’s ‘Young Americans’ that’s been stuck in my head for two weeks now, without there being all sorts of unnecessary noise.

Of course! Call your boyfriend from the hallway! Knowing all about your dinner plans is very relaxing! Was that a water bottle that fell over!? Somebody yells “Can everything and everyone PLEASE BE QUIET, I’M TRYING TO RELAX HERE!”

I sit up, open my eyes and see the whole class staring at me. I think it’s time to find a new yoga studio.