Today was the last day of my summer break. There has been a homework assignment on Blackboard for about a week now, that I haven’t looked at. This is the first of around 35 assignments I will have to complete to pass that class. I have to email my supervisor to discuss how I am ever going to write a thesis proposal that will be to the liking of The Powers That Be. I have to start writing my thesis. The level of aversion I feel is high, very very high. But on the other hand: uranium mining it’s not and if I manage to stay healthy, all of this will be done in 5 months.
I have decided to take an extra class in business writing. This is the first time our university offers a 99,9% online class and I thought I should support that, so that maybe they’ll offer more online classes in the coming years. Not that it matters to me anymore as I have no credits left, but I am quite sure that there will always be students who, like I would have, will benefit enormously from the possibility of taking online classes. And I also hope that this business writing class will distract me a bit from all the other things I still need to do.
Apart from being very anxious for this semester to be over and done with, I also can’t help but feel a deep sadness about how my studies transpired. I remember the almost extatic happiness I felt when I decided to go back to university, and the high hopes I had. It was going to be the start of a new life, it was going to “fix” the wrong turn(s) I had taken years ago. I was finally going to become the person I was always supposed to be. Of course I am aware that these hopes were quite unrealistic and a bit on the childish side, and probably inspired by all the “after a long and difficult life I went back to university where everything was perfect and I turned out to be the most brilliant genius this side of Foucault”-stories I read online. What can I say, I am a sucker for comeback stories. And it really, really hurts that this isn’t mine.
However, I can’t dwell on these feelings for too long as I don’t want to get into the good old “f*ck this sh*t” state of mind and drop out. Because although at this point in time I really feel like this BA degree has the same value as a fourth typing diploma (I trufax have three typing diplomas already!), I think it’s best if I do get the piece of paper anyway. And that is as hopeful and positive as I can get today. Bonne rentrée, everybody.