Your friend LP

It's been real! 2011 – 2016

Category: About me

LP’s excellent staycation – Day 34

I’ve been very outdoorsy in the last two weeks, which is awesome (because I get to do stuff and see peeps and awesomeness and yeah) but also quite tiring because despite how I present (Le Outgoing, enthusiastic and gift of gabby), I am an extreme introvert.

I must admit that until a couple of years ago, I didn’t quite understand it either. I thought that people who were shy were the introverts, and people who babbled and babbled and babbled were the extroverts, which, since I never shut up, made me an extrovert by default. I never felt very extroverted though. When people commented on me being so naturally sociable and gift of gabby and witty and bla, I always felt uncomfortable, because it doesn’t come easy to me at all.

People hardly ever believe me when I tell them that all of my witticisms are the result of years of practicing in front of a mirror. Yes, I actually think of things that I can later use in conversations. I get extremely nervous when I need to talk to people (not to friends obviously), but I’ve trained myself to take a deep breath, put my game face on and go bla bla bla to the point that I often think “Oh, shut the fuck up LP!” Exhausting, but I can’t NOT do it, because then I’ll panic completely and start crying and disasters happen and I don’t even know. Which probably isn’t true, but that’s what I feel would happen.

People also have a hard time believing that I often have to force myself to go places, especially things where there are Lots of People. It’s even worse if it’s Lots of People I Don’t Know. But even apart from that, I know that if I wouldn’t make regular appointments Outside (with friends for example), I don’t think I’d leave my house often. Hell, if I could do my studies online and have both the library and the health food store deliver stuff at my door, I’d never leave my house.

It’s not Other People, it’s me. Well, sometimes it’s Other People, but it’s mostly me. It wasn’t until this topic came up during a talk with a Professional Person, who explained to me that an actual extrovert person is energised by interactions with others and that while introverts are often able to interact with others in an outgoing way, it actually takes them a lot of effort and depletes their energy, that I understood why I feel/behave the way I do. She then asked me about what my favorite activities were (showering, reading, sleeping, writing, taking pictures with no people in them and dancing-all-by-myself), which pretty much sealed the deal: I, LP, turned out to be an extreme introvert. The more you know! 😀

Fortunately it’s not a hard “condition” to manage: I just have to make sure that on one hand I get enough Alone Time and that on the other hand I don’t get too Hermitty Hermit. And I must say that the older I get, the better I get at balancing the two. Something tells me that my Grown Ass Mature Adult-badge is coming in the mail soon! 😉

School’s out! (well, sorta)

Yesterday was my last day of classes, which means that course-wise, I’ve finished my first year. I still have to write 4 essays and do 6 exams (and maybe some resits, but let’s worry about that later) before I’m actually done, but this is a milestone. There have been many moments this school year where I thought I would never get to this point, but despite everything I did! And even if I fail all my exams and only write drivel in the next month, I’m still awesome because I managed to get to this point. *cue the crying*

Anyway, to mark this achievement I bought myself a present. How amazing is this wrapping paper?

And how amazing are both this tiny suitcase (for zine carrying) and this notebook?

The picture of the cat on the back of the notebook has special significance, but more on that later.

This post contains a picture of awesome nail art

Hi! *waves*

It won’t be news to the people that also read my Dutch blog, but for the people that don’t: I’ve been suffering from extreme fatigue and general blurgh-ness, which according to my doctor is in large part due to the severe vitamin D deficiency she diagnosed me with. While I’m waiting for the treatment to kick in I’ll be limiting myself to my core business and chilling out. Well, as much as I’m able to.

In happier news: check my classmate I’s awesome nail art!

It’s called an essay ‘cause you keep trying

Winter Break f*cking BLOWS. There. I said it.

I had so many plans: since I was going to be stuck at home, I’d finish up stuff that was (over)due, prepare my exams, finish up two zines, do the Sketchbook Project, dust off my bass and play it, hang out with peeps and write lots of blogs about, well, everything.

What did happen: I felt Le Tired and moderately to extremely blergh, had a nervy b right before Christmas (“The Nervy B Before Christmas” does have a certain ring to it), missed three exams and suffered from the worst case of writer’s PANIC. Which is not to be confused with writer’s block (I don’t believe in writer’s block) or writer’s indifference (a concept coined by S).

Ever the productive one, I did elevate procrastination to a whole new level during my bout of writer’s PANIC:

I read ALL THE ZINES and a couple of books about typography and now finally know how to distinguish a serif from a sans serif font. (Well, in theory. Please don’t test me on this.) I mistakenly ordered Frida Kahlo’s diary instead of her biography and am now well acquainted with her intimate thoughts. It’s really weird to read someone’s diary and it reminded me that I should burn some of mine again this summer. I pondered my relevance and asked people on twitter if they ever pondered their relevance. 5 people answered, the rest of my 220 followers just went

no1curr, Credit to whoever made it ~

I finished a zine and handscribbled 35 covers for another zine that still needs to be written, yelled at my mom a lot over the phone (yes, I’m an asshole), generally felt like no1curr except for people I wish wouldn’t curr (I’d disclaim, but you know, no1curr. Also: Eeyore is our King). I went to the hospital for a checkup, fell flat on my fucking face while getting up from one of those fancy reclining dialysis chairs resulting in extensive bruising, talked to my study advisor, emailed some teachers, read the entire internet, send whiney emails to the few people who actually still tolerate my shit, shaved off half my eyebrows (like you do), got invited to a classmates birthday party which probably means I’m cool, googled people from my past and told myself that no matter how much I think I suck/my life sucks, at least I’m not spending my days in Almere married to some douchenozzle (m/f).

And then I decided to stop being an annoying 14 year old whiney asshole, dragged my ass to Bergen aan Zee and wrote the first essay. The second essay is in the works and will be finished sometime between now and When It’s Finished, estimated time 6 o’clock in the morning. Encouragements are, as always, welcome! *goes to write*

LP’s classy notes

I was thinking of writing a post on my inability to take notes like a normal person, but then realised it’d be more fun to just scan my actual notes. If you click on the image below, you’ll be transported magically to Flickr, where you can mouseover for more details! Enjoy!

Notes in class

Introduction

You’d think that after going through an Introduction Day, an Introduction Week and an Introductory Meeting in the course of 4 weeks, I’d be awesome at introducing myself.

Nope.

For some reason it never gets easier or less awkward. It’s like with job application cover letters: when I read them back, the description always feels both incomplete and braggy, not to mention insincere. According to some, who you are is defined not by what you say, but by what you do. And while I know that “what you do” should not be (strictly) interpreted as “things you do”, I think it’s easiest at this point (mostly because this is turning into a semi-pretentious blabfest and I really want to get this first post over with) if I just make a list with clickable links:

I live in Amsterdam, where I study English at the UvA. My Dutch blog LogPoes can be found here, I’ve been writing it since 2002 and am eagerly awaiting my award for “longest running, least read, not even that crappily written blog”. Sometimes I take pictures. I read. I’m also into cats. I play bass. I unironically love The Poeticores and I don’t care that I’m biased. I tweet a lot and should REALLY cut down on that. I love to swim. I (co)write zines. I want to learn something new every day. I enjoy calling things I do Projects (more on that in later posts). I’m probably forgetting Actual Important Things, but whatever.

In short: hi! I’m LogPoes! How are you doing?